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Your opinions please

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Your opinions please

Post by ShadowOfTheDay on Mon Nov 19, 2012 4:51 am

I want to post this here because I think I need some reassurance I'm not a complete b*tch..

My best friend started being weird with me when I explained about the DID, this was over a year ago now. I thought she'd started to accept my others and even met two of them but around Christmas time she stopped talking to me. When I asked why (I admit I had to push a bit because she kept saying nothing was wrong) she said I hadn't been there for her and I'd treated her like a doormat basically. She was registered as my carer at the time and as far as I knew we always had fun when we met up. I did ask her many times what was wrong before this because I knew something was up.

After I spent new years eve in A&E because of extremely bad self harming after I lost my second friend because he said I was self absorped and I'd been unfair to the first friend but wouldn't say how. My two best friends in the world seemed to suddenly reject everything I am, even saying they only want to talk to the 'real me' Sad

The first friend was meant to be coming to a wedding I had to attend (at which my abuser was also at & she knew that) she promised she wouldn't let me do that and see him without her. She didn't even tell me she no longer planned to come and she moved towns (about 2 hours away) without telling me. My teenage alter sent her a message saying how upset I was and how could she do that and she wouldn't talk to me after that.

Now a year on I still miss her and just want to know how shes doing so I sent a text last night just saying how are you, she replied but didn't realise who it was to start with, once she did she stopped replying. I've been nothing but civil even after she hurt me and my little ones badly by letting us down. She referred to herself just as my carer not my friend, that really hurt, and I was the only person looking after her when she was really unwell.

I want to send another message just for closure, not a nasty message, just to say I really don't understand what I've done and I just wanted to be friends. I'm not going to take the blame when I'm not sure I've done anything wrong (I know what my alter said wasn't as nice but she was just protecting me).

What do you think I should do? I still miss her and don't seem to be moving on, I guess I missed the friendship we had not how she is now but I don't know how to move on without having my say. Sorry this is long, I'm really upset, it was a stupid idea of mine to text I guess but I was hoping something good might happen for a change..

Have I been an awful person here? because I feel like it Crying or Very sad

_________________________________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

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ShadowOfTheDay
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Location : UK
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Re: Your opinions please

Post by ShatteredImage on Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:28 am

It's funny you say that because one of my hosts friends did a similar thing.
In highschool they were friends and Mekos others (I wasn't around at the time) came outregularly around this friend, the alters didn't understand what D.I.D was or anything. When Meko was finally diagnosed the friend said. "I feel like you ruined my childhood with your bullsh*t so I don't want to be friends, you hurt me to much." so she never talked to us again, and to this day she hasn't. Meko and her were best friends for middle and highschool. . so you can imagine how much it hurt Meko. Some people just will never understand or accept it. That's when you have to just let them go, and stop trying because if you don't you only hurt yourself further.
I don't think you were a bitch, nor were any of the alters.

<3,

Gypsy

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System : Meko (Host) Accolon, Bear, Johnny, Amelia, Jayke, Gypsy, Vic

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Re: Your opinions please

Post by ShadowOfTheDay on Mon Nov 19, 2012 6:50 am

Thank you for your reply Gypsy, I'm really sorry that happened to Meko it sounds horrible. I think I am just hurting myself more, it makes me want to self harm when I think about her and it makes Sam my teenager very angry. I just thought I meant more to her than that Crying or Very sad

_________________________________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

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ShadowOfTheDay
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Female Posts : 39
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Location : UK
System : Lots of others..

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Re: Your opinions please

Post by The Orchestra on Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:49 am

i agree very much with Gypsy here. though if you *do* want to send her a message to get closure and just to find out what her problem is/was then i think it might be worth a try, even if you never speak after you send that message and even if she never replied, you'd still know that you tried to fix things and you tried to understand so there wasnt anything more you could do.

we have had people like this, as i said through text earlier, and really i just had to let them go. i was so angry and upset at first, i couldnt understand how something that didnt seem to me like a big deal could push people away that i'd known for about 14/15 years. we ended up in horrible arguments with some of them, especially one and i think at that point we realised that if some people have that much of a problem with it then it's so much easier to accept it and walk away because at the end of the day, people like that arent going to change their minds and trying to explain can fuel arguments (even though it seems silly...)

i know it's painful but maybe you can look at it as a good experience that helped you grow in one way or another. although it hurts there will still be at least one positive in there and you should focus on that, no matter how teeny tiny it might be ^^

hugs xx

_________________________________________


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The Orchestra
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Re: Your opinions please

Post by ShadowOfTheDay on Mon Nov 19, 2012 8:23 pm

Thanks lovely, I guess deep down I know she wasn't a real friend and that hurts more than anything because I'd trusted her more than I've ever trusted anyone. I still haven't written a message, mainly because I'm worried about making sure it doesn't come across as aggressive or mean. I will try focus on the teeny positive, thanks lovely and hugs for you too xxx

_________________________________________
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

avatar
ShadowOfTheDay
Junior
Junior

Female Posts : 39
Join date : 2012-10-30
Location : UK
System : Lots of others..

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